Kitchen Hazards

Okay this post is going to be part public service announcement, part recipe, part hilaaaaaarity.

Or not.

All you really need to be a parent is a healthy dose of common sense.

 I kid, I kid. I would never let him drink red wine while wearing a white shirt.

I did something last week that was, in hindsight, dumb, and also, probably very expensive. Learn from my mistake.

I was in the kitchen cooking an awesome recipe, which I'll have to remake and post some other time- no pics due to the event follows.

Li'l dude was happy in his Bumbo on the countertop. I gave him a small soft plastic measuring cup to play with. It's so cute to see him gnawing on it! I was all thinking "Oh I should take a picture of this and then someday when he is a world-renowned chef he'll have this picture to look back on and be like 'I think my innate cooking sense came from my mother's insistence I play with kitchen utensils' and then we'll all smile!"

But have you ever noticed that the handle of your measuring cup has a hole in it? Yep.

Totally stuck. Using my vast knowledge of medicine, I tried dunking his fist in a bowl of ice cold water to constrict the blood vessels.

Nope.

I tried lubing it off with olive oil.

Nope.

One call to the pediatrician's office later, and we were packed up on our way to the emergency department. They ended up using the ring cutter to saw it off.  Haven't gotten the bill yet, but I am guessing it would have been much much cheaper to just go buy a ring cutter. Or not even give him the measuring cup in the first place. Lesson learned.

I guess from now on I'll have to let him play with the can opener.

I kid, I kid.

Did you know how easy homemade tomato sauce can be? (I'm too lazy for a clever segue)

I had a bountiful harvest of mutants from the garden this year.

I cut away the funky spots and decided to jar some sauce. Now traditional recipes call for you to remove the skins from the tomatoes. That just seems like extra business. I eat my mashed potatoes with skins, so why not my sauce? One extra step that *is* worth the trouble is roasting your garlic.

Cut the top 1/3rd off your garlic so that the inside cloves are exposed. Make a little tin foil packet, drizzle olive oil over the garlic, and roast at 400 degrees for about 45 minutes, or until cloves are golden brown.

Back to the sauce-
I diced up my tomatoes and tossed them in a large pot, along with my mashed roasted garlic and 1 cup of chopped fresh basil. I let that simmer, covered, for about an hour. I then removed the lid to let some of the water evaporate, and simmered for another 30 minutes. It will make your house smell edible.

Pour into mason jars and refrigerate. Use within a week, or freeze. My ~8 cups of tomatoes yielded 3 1/2 jars.

This is not like traditional thick marinara sauce- it is more watery, but more flavorful, if that makes sense. I paired it with thick linguini noodles. I found it was even better as leftovers, as the noodles soaked up some of the sauce.

This sauce is also great when paired with a red wine. Right, Baby?

As Seen On MY BLOG

Like most people, I’ve had my fair share of encounters with “As Seen on TV” products.

I remember being a kid when Suzanne Somers (Carol from "Step By Step" what??) started selling the THIGHMASTER. My mom bought one, and somehow it ended up in our toy box. We would do all sorts of fun things with it- mostly involving finagling it into a catapult. Eventually it got catapulted down to the Goodwill.

Then for a while I had the SOBAKAWA pillow, which was essentially a cloth sack filled with what felt like ten thousand popcorn kernels.

More recently I owned a George Foreman Grill. Every-single-girl-in-2006-had-one. In grad school my standard dinner was Foreman-grilled chicken and steamed veggies, and then a late night snack of raw cookie dough. 

Did you know that Bed Bath & Beyond has an entire section of “As Seen on TV” products? With one of their infinity 20% coupons I seem to get, any one of those things seems like an amazing opportunity to be on the cutting edge of specially-TV-advertised-technology.

Like the Veggetti.

So, back up.

A few weeks ago we went to a random farm/orchard/garden on the side of the highway. You could pick your own pickling cucumbers, broccoli, raspberries, tomatoes, apples and pumpkins. And zucchini.

Since I yanked out my garden zucchini plants mid-August, I decided to get some to try in my VEGGETTI. I grabbed some broccoli too, figuring I’d make a stir fry.

I am such a creepster.

Two zucchinis VEGGETTI-fied made a healthy amount of “noodles.” I sautéed them for just a few minutes along with chicken and other veggies. If you cook them too long, they get way too mushy.

The VEGGETTI came with a neat little recipe book too. Most of them look pretty decent. Other uses, besides zucchini, include carrots and potatoes. It was really easy to use, and it was also fun. That coming from the kid whose favorite toys included the Play-Doh Fun Factory.

There’s also the whole thing about 1 zucchini is only 33 calories, and the equivalent amount of pasta packs well over 300 calories.

Well now I am SOLD. This “As Seen on TV” stuff is just awesome.

So this happened...

Mac has been a pretty easy baby.  I think.  I have no basis for comparison I guess. But I haven’t had many moments where I’ve felt like a "Teen Mom" level of incompetent.  

Thennnnnnn yesterday afternoon happened. And as a giant preface, I chalk this up to the first-time-mom-learning-curve, which is totally a thing.

There we were, a shop-shop-shoppin’ away. Mac started fussing, which is not like him because he loves shopping, which I’ve bragged about before. Weh-hell-hell. Looked at his pants, and it was pretty obvious why he was in a wee bit o’ discomfort. Problem was, I immediately realized I didn’t have spare pants in the diaper bag.

No biggie, I reasoned. I could just tuck a blanket around his bottom half, continue onto the grocery store, and no one would notice.

Got all set up for the oh-so-classy tailgate butt wiping sesh, took off those swampy pants, and quickly realized the situation was worse than I originally thought. Plus I learned I only had six wipes.

Let me tell you- mathematicians should study how I managed to pull off that delicate wipe-here, tuck-there, fold-here, wipe-there large surface area job.

Anyway. I draw the line at having a naked diapered baby in public, plus it was chilly out, so I considered bailing on the groceries and just going home. But then I realized- TA DA! I did have a back up outfit! Sort of.

A solid two months ago I bought cute PJs for a friend who’d had a baby girl (I’m a pretty solid friend for hanging onto a gift that long). Clothes are clothes, and Mac was just happy to be clean and dry.

Is it weird that I enjoyed pretending he was a girl, if just for the 20 minutes at the grocery store? People agreed- “what a precious baby girl you have!”

Why thank you.

In the spirit of learning the hard way and vowing to make things easier in the future, here is a 4-ingredient recipe. This comes together in less than 30 minutes, oh and hey it’s pretty good for you. 

Spicy Peanut Noodles with Bok Choy

• 1 package brown rice noodles
• 1 head of bok choy, rinsed and roughly chopped (discard the thickest bottom 4 or so inches)
• 1 package extra firm tofu, pressed to remove excess moisture and cut into ½ inch cubes
• 1 bottle spicy peanut sauce
• 2 teaspoons olive oil

1. Heat oil in a shallow skillet over medium high heat. Add tofu. Stir occasionally until it starts to slightly brown. Add your bok choy. Cover and turn heat to low.

2. Meanwhile, heat a large stockpot with water to boil. Add brown rice noodles and cook according to package directions. Add to bok choy/tofu mix.

3. Add peanut sauce, stir to evenly coat.

Protein, vitamins, fiber. What more could I want?

Besides a pack of extra wipes and pants.

Bonus.

Could it be true? Two posts in one day?

Back in high school I remember it was cool to say “BONUS!” after something cool happened.

Let me demonstrate:

“Hey. What’d you do last night?”

“I went to the mall and got some sweet new corduroy cargo pants, and then I got home just in time to watch the new episode of Dawson’s Creek.”

“BONUS!”

See? You’re welcome to help me bring that back. The word “bonus,” not the corduroy cargo pants. Ain’t nobody ever need to be wearing those again. (Also, in the year 2032, when corduroy cargo pants come back into style and I’m all obsessed with them, remind me that at one point I thought they were lame.)

Anyway.

I like it when other bloggers post their weekly meal plans. It totally helps prevent this conversation:

“What do you want for dinners this week?”

“I dunno. Whatever.”

So here we are- I copy others, you may copy me, we can all be copiers who live in peace with full bellies.

Monday night:

Turkey burger pizza (Bev Cooks)

Tuesday night:

Crispy stuffing chicken tenders, mashed potatoes, broccoli (based off Shelly at Cookiesandcups.com)

Wednesday night:

Butternut squash tortellini with mushrooms & Gruyere 

Thursday night:

Beef tacos

Friday night:

Turkey sandwiches, using awesome homemade pumpkin focaccia (CookingLight.com)

On weekends we do what I call freezer diving, which is infinity times better than dumpster diving. This helps us stay on top of our leftovers, and prevents the freezer from becoming jam packed with all sorts of ice crusticled tupperwares.

BONUS!

I think he can sense my fear

Last week started off pretty rough, and only for one reason- lack of sleep. I am a girl who runs on no less than 9 solid hours, and having baby suddenly regress and wake up 3-4 times is not okay. I think it was a combination of 1. snot-filled nose preventing him from sucking his own thumb (who can’t relate to that?), 2. getting various limbs stuck in the slats of his crib (happens to the best of us), and 3. peeing through his diaper and soaking his pj’s and sheet (if I had a dollar for everytime I woke up like…oh wait.)

But good news! I am a solution-focused parent (I should copyright that) and so I used this Swedish-y nose sucker that my mom had bought us. It’s pretty primitive…you put a tube up your baby’s nose and pretty much ape-style suck out the boogs. You know you come to this blog hoping that I’m not *just* going to talk about food, but also bodily secretions. Also bought a bumper- WAIT ON THE JUDGMENT- that is mesh, so he could breathe through it in a worst case scenario. Aaaaand also learned that Pampers makes a special overnight dipe.

The result of my three-pronged approach? Success. And just in time for my husband to leave for a four-day weekend. Even with better sleeping, I was still kind of nervous to be a single parent. What if he doesn’t nap? What if he is crabby and I can’t just hand him off and say “your turn!” He can totally sense this too. When he refused to take his after-dinner nap on Friday, we went and walked around the mall. I swear this kid’s first words will be “Baby GAP!”

Then Saturday late afternoon a wimpy storm came by but still managed to knock out our power. I was less worried about the darkness and more worried about the stocked fridge and freezer. Alllllll the meats and cheeses! I packed up and headed over to my parents’ house for the night.

So yeah, an easy enough weekend overall, but I still felt compelled to celebrate a little bit once my husband returned yesterday. Painting my nails my new fave navy Essie? 

Yes please! Cheesy pasta with sausage? Ok! US weekly? Done deal.

Spicy Sausage & Penne Pasta

• 5 spicy Italian turkey sausage links, either grilled or boiled (grill if you can. I got lazy and just boiled mine)
• 1 large yellow onion, thinly sliced
• ½ stick butter
• ½ cup flour
• ½ teaspoon minced garlic
• ¼ teaspoon pepper
• 2 cups low sodium chicken or veggie broth
• 1 can evaporated milk (or fresh milk)
• 2 cans diced tomatoes with chiles
• 1/3-1/2 cup chopped green onions
• 1 box whole wheat penne pasta (I used Ronzoni “Smart Taste” ‘cause my husband thinks it’s regular white pasta)
• 4 oz shredded Monterey Jack cheese

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Heat a medium skillet with 2 teaspoons oil. Add onion. While that heats up, slice up your cooked sausages and add to onion. Saute until onion and sausage coins are lightly browned. Remove from heat.

2. Get your pasta cooking in a large pot of boiling water. While the pasta cooks, go onto the next step.

3. In a Dutch oven, melt the butter and whisk in the flour. Stir constantly for a minute until it starts to slightly bubble. It will be quite thick. Whisk in garlic and pepper. Whisk in the 2 cups of broth and evaporated milk. Stir until bubbly and thickened. Turn down heat to low. Add the canned tomatoes (juice included) and green onions. Let that sit for a few minutes, stirring occasionally.

4. Drain your cooked pasta and add to Dutch oven, along with sausage/onion mixture. Stir until combined. Sprinkle with cheese. Bake in the oven for 10 minutes or until bubbly.

Delish.

Makes 8 servings (so you can rock the leftovers just like we do). Per serving: 434 calories, 46 g carbs, 20g fat, 22 g protein, 670 mg sodium (about a third of your day’s allotted intake), 5 g fiber

Not the healthiest thing I’ve ever made, but whatever. Yay for fall, yay for snot suckers, and yay for my husband being home again. 

Stereotypes are based on truths, no?

September 1: 12:01 a.m.

TIME TO CELEBRATE FALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL.

The mums have been planted, the wreath has been hung, the "Harvest"-scented candle is on the mantle, and the crock pot has been hauled up from the basement for the season.

I am nothing but a walking stereotype.

But maybe a stereotype with a wee bit more sass.

And sarcasm.

This stuff happened this weekend:

Those are the meaty thighs of a future runningback.

This also happened:

I took two bookends, painted them white, and stuck 'em up in the doorway. Like most of the jerry-rigged stuff in our house, it looks better from a distance.

Oh yeah, and this happened:

Slow Cooker Pork Quesadillas
1 lean pork loin
4 cups low sodium chicken broth
1/2 teaspoon chipotle chili powder
12 whole wheat flour tortillas
1 Tbsp olive oil
2 cups sliced sweet peppers
1 large yellow onion, thinly sliced
1 can black beans, drained and rinsed
2 cups shredded Monterey Jack cheese
Salsa of your choice (I used salsa verde- not Pampers scrapins, as it might appear from the pic)

1. Combine pork, broth, and chili powder in a slow cooker. Cook on low for 7-8 hours. Remove pork and shred with a fork, adding a bit more broth if you'd like.
2. Heat a large shallow pan with 1 Tbsp oil over medium high heat. Add peppers and onions. Cook until tender and slightly browned. Add to shredded pork. Add beans to mixture.
3. Heat oven to low broil. Spray down each tortilla with a bit of olive oil spray (optional) and place oil-side down on a cookie sheet. Sprinkle a bit of cheese, top with pork mixture, and add a little bit more cheese. Repeat until you've used all the mixture.
4. Bake for 5-6 minutes, flipping halfway. Keep an eye on these because when you're broiling, they can go from perfect to burned in less than 30 seconds.

You'd best be getting on board with all this fall business.

Next up? Something pumpkin!

(Yep, stereotype)

Anniversary!

We are three years into marriage now.  Things are starting to get serious 'round here. 

Because it's a weeknight and because there's a dang baby involved, dinner was pretty short and sweet. Doesn't mean we don't care; rather it means that we care in an expedited and simplified manner.  Mmk? 

Roasted drummies and potatoes

-1 package chicken drummies

-2 lb bag fingerling or small Yukon gold potatoes

-4 tablespoons olive oil 

-2 teaspoons sea salt

-1 teaspoon black pepper

-1 teaspoon poultry seasoning

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. In a medium bowl, toss together potatoes with 3 Tbsp olive oil. Spread on a baking sheet. Sprinkle with one teaspoon coarse sea salt.

On a separate baking sheet, drizzle remaining Tbsp olive oil and sprinkle salt, pepper, and poultry seasoning. I then just used my hands to jumble up all the drummies to get them evenly coated. A spoon would work as well. Don't judge my method.

Put both pans in the oven and roast 20 minutes. Toss both potatoes flip drummies for even cooking. Return to oven for another 15-20 minutes, or until potatoes are lightly browned and drummies reach an internal temp of at least 165 degrees.

I served this with steamed green beans fresh from our garden (yeah that whole thing is still going on).

You know what they say, happy marriage = happy baby.

Actually no, happy baby = happy anniversary.